As the time gets closer to Hubby leaving I am having a harder time dealing with things. I am sick and tired of hearing people's views on the War and what they think and who they voted for. I do not CARE. Yes I do NOT care nor will I ever. Why do you want to question what I do or don't do while Hubby is gone. I do things to benefit my Kiddos and wonderful Hubby and to stay sane. Hubby being gone to a war zone is very different than your hubby being away for a conference or having to do something for work. No this is not like a vacation and I will not treat it as so. I may joke I can do more of the things I want but inside I am nervous about what lays ahead for us. If you have never walked in my shoes or sent a spouse off to war DO NOT say you understand and do not tell me it is for only such amount of time. It does not nor will not make my time go by faster. The communications factor is also a null and void cheer up type of response. The at least you can chat with him online and see him on the web cam will help. No it does not. It makes me crave Hubby's touch and smell and his boots under my bed where they stand watch waiting for their next mission. Just be my friend and say I am here when you need me. Don't tell me if I am OK or not. I know how I feel and I also know I will not be OK till Hubby is home safe and sound. Til then let me have my illusion. It helps me cope with the crazy days ahead. I am not strong I am a military spouse who has a wonderful husband and kiddos. I do because of them and no one else. I cry alone at night or in the morning after kiddos are at school. I smile in public to show the world we are a strong , loving and committed family. That is not the whole me. I do because God is my strength and in nothing else will I ever trust to get me through anything.
My Kiddos are wonderful. They smile and laugh but look into their eyes and you will see the sadness and worry. Someday the Kiddos look to old to be 15, 10 and 6. The feel the same way I do. They just don't know how to express it. They have their anger to get through and I will do my best to help them. Just don't tell me how to do it. Let me tell you what they need. I am the one with them all day and all night listening to them cry and yelling for Daddy when they scrap a knee or when they want Daddy to see them do something for the first time. That alone tears out our hearts more than anything else. Their Daddy is their world and it is tearing them apart knowing he will be gone for awhile. Missing birthdays and end of the year parties at school. The swimming parties and the first year of sports for the kiddos. The camera will be very busy but it will not replace Dad being around.