Big Man
Pooch snoozing amongst chaos.
Huuby rocking away on a Kiddos gift.
Sweetness enjoying her Christmas Morning.
More to come later. Time to start making dinner. Merry Christmas to everyone.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Sunday, December 09, 2007
This morning on the way to church Hubby and I were talking about the last time the truck was waxed. It has been a while since it last happened. I caught myself saying it was before you left this last time. And we bantered back and forth with Hubby saying "I have not done it since I got home this time." And I was beginning and ending sentences with "Before you left.." or "since you came home...." It was a surreal moment for me. I wonder how many people would think Hubby and I had split up over the last 3 or 4 years if we had been in public.
For me, the way I keep track of time is before and after Hubby has left and come home from a deployment. The time he is gone is a very fuzzy blob of months to years that I don't really remember. It seems I just sleep walk through the times he is gone and barely function. I know the Kiddos and I have done many exciting, new and memorable things in those times Hubby was gone. But for the life of me, I just can't really put my finger on one thing that really stands out besides the Baby being born.
I have not always done my time keeping this way. Even while Hubby was in the Navy and going out on West Pacs and I was home with just Big Man time never seemed to be blurred in that way. I remember going shopping with Big Man, going to the parks and having laughs while Hubby was deployed. But for the life of me these last two deployments have had me wondering where time has gone and what we did all that time Hubby was gone.
Or it could be like Butterfly Wife has said many times: It could be because i have 25 Kids, or something like that. :)
For me, the way I keep track of time is before and after Hubby has left and come home from a deployment. The time he is gone is a very fuzzy blob of months to years that I don't really remember. It seems I just sleep walk through the times he is gone and barely function. I know the Kiddos and I have done many exciting, new and memorable things in those times Hubby was gone. But for the life of me, I just can't really put my finger on one thing that really stands out besides the Baby being born.
I have not always done my time keeping this way. Even while Hubby was in the Navy and going out on West Pacs and I was home with just Big Man time never seemed to be blurred in that way. I remember going shopping with Big Man, going to the parks and having laughs while Hubby was deployed. But for the life of me these last two deployments have had me wondering where time has gone and what we did all that time Hubby was gone.
Or it could be like Butterfly Wife has said many times: It could be because i have 25 Kids, or something like that. :)
Friday, December 07, 2007
No MEPS this weekend. HAve to wait and see if they approve the waiver for Hubby to keep his rank. And seeing it is the holidays then we have to wait a little longer. We are all off this weekend and I am sleeping in tomorrow. Hoping someone brings me coffee in bed tomorrow. I hope I am not dreaming to much for that.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
I am bummed. I could not watch SpouseBuzz Live3 because I am having Flash issues. I am still trying to figure out why I am unable to watch certain videos. It is a frustrating process. I am hoping for the next one we will be in a better place and I will be able to attend.
I have learned quite a bit about myself this semester. I have always been seen as someone's wife, mother or daughter. Never for who I am. I have had some doors open for me to show me I am not only those things. I have always seen myself as smart, giving, caring, etc person but not as an indivivual. I have always been my Father's Daughter. Now I am turning into a person with a father, mother, Kiddos, husband and friends. Not someone who has me. I am defining my own ideas of what makes me content and what I need for me to be the best I can be.
This began because Hubby asked me one day why I was looking so sad and downtrodden. I did not have an answer for him right away. I was going through the paces and acting like everything was just perfect in my world. But the whole time I was dying a little bit each and everyday. My heart was screaming for something and I had no clue what it was. I did figure out that God was putting me through my paces too. He needed me to see me as He sees me. Not how I think He sees me or even the world.
I know most people have this figured out long before they reach the age I am but let's just say I am a slow learner. I have learned that my circumstances do not make me who I am, that my character makes me who I am. My integtry is the basis of who I am. I like being know as the person who will pull out the stops to help and will give someone a laugh when they are having a rough time. But in doing all of this I forgot I needed to put back what I was pouring out into others. It had affected not only me but Hubby, the Kiddos and my dear friends. I am trying to replace what I have lost and it is a slow going process, oh so slow one. It has been painful at times too. I have learned to speak up and say no or I need to do this for me.
I had a friend ask me why I looked so sad right before Thanksgiving and he thought it was because Hubby was not ale to make the trip to my Dad's with us. It was part of it but not al of it. My friend called HUby to let him know I really wanted him to go and to say I was looking sad about it. Let's just say Hubby was put out by the thought I would have someone try and talk him into going when we had decided already what was happening. I told him no I did not have our friend call and I was not really that sad about him saying home. We were only gone for two nights and that is no big deal to me anymore. It took a phone call for me to tell HUbby what was wrong with me.
I was already at Dad's and called Hubby to say we made it safe and sound and did not run into any weather on the way east. As we were talking I finally just said that I was tired of being someone's something and giving everything I had to others. I was at a point that I had nothing to give. This is the part that scares me the most. I have no idea where to go but up now and I have some ideas on how to get back to where I need to be. Hubby has been understanding at times and at other times, well let's just say we don't agree a hundred percent.
I have learned quite a bit about myself this semester. I have always been seen as someone's wife, mother or daughter. Never for who I am. I have had some doors open for me to show me I am not only those things. I have always seen myself as smart, giving, caring, etc person but not as an indivivual. I have always been my Father's Daughter. Now I am turning into a person with a father, mother, Kiddos, husband and friends. Not someone who has me. I am defining my own ideas of what makes me content and what I need for me to be the best I can be.
This began because Hubby asked me one day why I was looking so sad and downtrodden. I did not have an answer for him right away. I was going through the paces and acting like everything was just perfect in my world. But the whole time I was dying a little bit each and everyday. My heart was screaming for something and I had no clue what it was. I did figure out that God was putting me through my paces too. He needed me to see me as He sees me. Not how I think He sees me or even the world.
I know most people have this figured out long before they reach the age I am but let's just say I am a slow learner. I have learned that my circumstances do not make me who I am, that my character makes me who I am. My integtry is the basis of who I am. I like being know as the person who will pull out the stops to help and will give someone a laugh when they are having a rough time. But in doing all of this I forgot I needed to put back what I was pouring out into others. It had affected not only me but Hubby, the Kiddos and my dear friends. I am trying to replace what I have lost and it is a slow going process, oh so slow one. It has been painful at times too. I have learned to speak up and say no or I need to do this for me.
I had a friend ask me why I looked so sad right before Thanksgiving and he thought it was because Hubby was not ale to make the trip to my Dad's with us. It was part of it but not al of it. My friend called HUby to let him know I really wanted him to go and to say I was looking sad about it. Let's just say Hubby was put out by the thought I would have someone try and talk him into going when we had decided already what was happening. I told him no I did not have our friend call and I was not really that sad about him saying home. We were only gone for two nights and that is no big deal to me anymore. It took a phone call for me to tell HUbby what was wrong with me.
I was already at Dad's and called Hubby to say we made it safe and sound and did not run into any weather on the way east. As we were talking I finally just said that I was tired of being someone's something and giving everything I had to others. I was at a point that I had nothing to give. This is the part that scares me the most. I have no idea where to go but up now and I have some ideas on how to get back to where I need to be. Hubby has been understanding at times and at other times, well let's just say we don't agree a hundred percent.
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