Saturday, May 12, 2007

I have tried to post a few times in the last couple of days. But have been unable to. My heart is heavy with loneliness. I miss my Hubby much more this time around. The first deployment was different and not as hard on me. Now even with friends and a church that does care for us it is still harder than the last time.
I do know that I will make it through but the last few days I have felt the pain and grief more than ever. I know each time is different and I know that supposedly this is not supposed to be as long but I can not reconcile it to my heart yet. I have tried and I have put that brave face on to make myself feel better but it is not working. I have no clue as what else to do I do not know if anyone has ever felt this way before or not. I am sure I am not alone but I feel it really bad for some reason the last few days. Maybe by the end of the week I will feel better. I guess I will just have to wait this out and get over it.
I am off to get the Kiddos ready for bed and church tomorrow. Hopefully the day will dawn brighter than it has been.

4 comments:

Butterfly Wife said...

My heart goes out to you. It is hard. I hope writing about it helps you. Hold you babies close. You are not alone. You have all of us out here pulling for you. We care about you and what you are going through.

nationalguardwife said...

Thanks Buttterfly Wife. I am doing a tiny better today. I am just in shock I guess at how lonely I feel this go around. The Kiddos have been wonderful about this. They still get up and go about their day and drag me along. I do smile and laugh with them and that is my bright spot in the day. It is worse at night or after I have been around alot of couples that I have a hard time.

jan wesner said...

Reasa, I, too, have felt very lonely this week in particular. I don't know why, but it sucks. I feel your pain.

nationalguardwife said...

Jan all I know is that it sucks big green donkey balls. I am hoping to get out of this slump soon. I promised myself I would go and get my nails done this week. Now if I can just find someone to watch the two little Kiddos I am set to have lunch out and someone to make my hands look nice again. Who knows what will work.