Tuesday, August 07, 2007
I had a bad day. I took it out on the Boys and accomplished nothing. Hubby was supposed to be in today but as with the military it was changed last minute. I am not to sure when he will be home now. I have been given a date and it really is not that far off. All I know is I was really excited for today and knowing other families were reuniting tonight when I should have been wrecked havoc on me. I was not nice to be around.
I cried today for the first time since Hubby left. I figured I could handle it and then this date change came along. The Boys are doing okay with it and I chickened out and had Mom tell the two Big Kiddos. They said they are fine with it as long as Daddy is home before them. I hated having to tell them that I was not sure if he would be or not. They were still ok.
I think because they are doing okay with it and I am not is making me feel guilty. Sweetness asked me how my day was. I told her it was rough and she said she was surprised. I asked her why and her response was because I handle everything so well. I am glad she sees me that way but I feel like a failure because I am not handling it all to well right now.
It is making me cry just thinking about it. I want to go crawl into bed and sleep til I get a phone call that says Hubby will be home on such and such day at such times. But alas I can't. The Boys will revolt and I would be tied up and mouth duct taped shut.
I pray and hope tomorrow will be a better day. I am leaving the boys with a friend and getting the truck detailed and my monthly pedicure. I will take a book to my appointments and a Chai Latte iced.(Maybe 2) No retail therapy because I am saving up for our much awaited get away. I just hope it can still happen. With school starting for everyone and Hubby going back to work soon after he returns we have to squeeze it in.