Tuesday, August 07, 2007

I had a bad day. I took it out on the Boys and accomplished nothing. Hubby was supposed to be in today but as with the military it was changed last minute. I am not to sure when he will be home now. I have been given a date and it really is not that far off. All I know is I was really excited for today and knowing other families were reuniting tonight when I should have been wrecked havoc on me. I was not nice to be around.

I cried today for the first time since Hubby left. I figured I could handle it and then this date change came along. The Boys are doing okay with it and I chickened out and had Mom tell the two Big Kiddos. They said they are fine with it as long as Daddy is home before them. I hated having to tell them that I was not sure if he would be or not. They were still ok.

I think because they are doing okay with it and I am not is making me feel guilty. Sweetness asked me how my day was. I told her it was rough and she said she was surprised. I asked her why and her response was because I handle everything so well. I am glad she sees me that way but I feel like a failure because I am not handling it all to well right now.

It is making me cry just thinking about it. I want to go crawl into bed and sleep til I get a phone call that says Hubby will be home on such and such day at such times. But alas I can't. The Boys will revolt and I would be tied up and mouth duct taped shut.

I pray and hope tomorrow will be a better day. I am leaving the boys with a friend and getting the truck detailed and my monthly pedicure. I will take a book to my appointments and a Chai Latte iced.(Maybe 2) No retail therapy because I am saving up for our much awaited get away. I just hope it can still happen. With school starting for everyone and Hubby going back to work soon after he returns we have to squeeze it in.


Claire said...

I am so sorry your day was so hard yesterday. That kind of disappointment is devastating. It doesn't surprise me that your kids are handling it as well as they are -- that is a testimony to how secure they feel. Even when you feel like you have blown it, it is probably worse in your own eyes than it is in theirs. They have you and the emotional strain and stress falls on your shoulders right now. It is exhausting.

I have a friend who used to participate in various Bike races. He even raced in the Tour de Ponte one year (not as an actual competitive racer.) He always said that the last several miles of the journey are the hardest. By the end, your physical resources are completely spent, and it causes you to collapse mentally and emotionally. He said there have been times he has crossed a finish line in tears.

You have been running a race and you had a finish line you were focused on. The next thing you know it has been moved back another 20 miles, and you collapsed for a moment. It's understandable. I wish I was nearby. I would stop and give you a drink and walk with you a while.

nationalguardwife said...

Claire thank you.

Stacy said...

I am sorry that you had a bad day. I will keep you in my thoughts and say a prayer that your hubby will be home real soon.

nationalguardwife said...

Thaks Stacey. Today has been a thousdand times better than yesterday.