Monday, July 21, 2008

Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock is the noise that has been keping me awake at night. It is the closck in my head ticking away the seconds we have left til Hubby takes off on his net vaction in the sandbox. It is still a few weeks away but so much needs to be done and I am trying not to freak over it. I am done hoping they will keep him on Rear D just this one time. I am at the point even though much needs to e done, of he needs to go now and start this vaction so we can end it. I am snappy, mean and wore out. I try so flipping hard to keep my head above water but feel myself sinking into the pit I call self pity.

Every morning I crawl out of bed and make a promise to myself that today will be a good day. I do roll with the punches and fake being content everyday. SOmedays it works somedays not so much. The worry, uneasiness and weariness is setting in early. I am learning new ways to cope and some are not so good to be starting and others rock. I have a hard time taking my own advice.I tell al the ladies who say they can't sleep to do what they need to to get through and not be sleep deprieved. I am scared of pills and the after effects.

Hubby is great about the whole thing and talks to me and tells me his job will not be as bad as we thought it would be. We both know to a degree he is lying. I just don't like not knowing when he is safe or not safe all the time. Hubby told me that he never knows when he is safe and not safe. He just rolls with the punches and will deal with it if something comes up. I know he rocks at his job and he is trained to be the best he can be.

In the grand scheme of life I will make it and pull the big girl undies on and embrace the suck. I will be alright and I will smile for real again. One day this will be a distant memory that I will chose to forget. Each day I will love my Hubby and Kiddos and know that we will all be good and come out the other side bigger and better people.


Anonymous said...

(((hugs))) Predeployment emotions are awful. Hang in there.

Renee said...

Sweet girl,

Oh the pressure and you moved to far for me to be there this time. I know that God will walk beside and hold your hand and when it feels like he is not then he is carrying you. I wish I could do more than pray. I am so glad that you will have the support of others this time. Please use this resource all you need to. I love you girl.