Thursday, September 11, 2008

I have so many emotions now. I am sad, angry and happy all in one.

I am sad because of of what today is. I did not lose friends but I did lose a sense of safety in my home this day eight years ago. Anyone who says they were not affected is lying in my opinion. So many people lost just going to work, droping off kiddos and living a simple life. Those are the lives I think are a senseless loss. It has been a had day for me all around but trying to figure out how to let my Kiddos grow up as Kiddos not shrouded by war brought on my next emotion of the day.

I am angry because my Kiddos will probably neve know what it is like to be able to roam the world without having to wonder if that person is out to get them or if someone will blow up the market the may want to walk though in whatever county they travel to. My Kiddos will be scared for their Dad but not show it, they want to be brave and not cause me to worry about them more. I am angry that my two youngest boys cy for Daddy and do not think I am coming to get them from school. I am angry I am not with the love of my life.

I am happy my Kiddos can live free, and without fear for dailey life. I am happy because I have the choice to go to college and be what I want to when I grow up. I am happy Big Man is growing into an amazing man and figuring out his spot in this big world. I am happy Sweetness is mature enough to stay a little later at school so she is not around the mess of tweenage drama after school. I am happy that my three boys remember and love their Daddy who is so far away beeing a brave, strong soldier. I am happy that I have a soldier who loves me for me and knows I can handle business and love him more than anyone will ever know.

All in all, the happy things far outweigh the sad and angry things. I will stay focused on my wonderful Kiddos and Hubby and accure more As (like i did on my first test!) and live my life to the fullest so no one will have control over me or mine.

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