Sunday, November 02, 2008

I am sitting in the tailgate of Hubby's truck and enjoying the beautiful weather. The Kiddos mowed part of the yard and have behaved pretty well today. I did some homework and took a very short but much needed nap. Tomorrow I have review for a math test on Tues and I need to complete my homework in the online math lab. SO much to do and not enough time. I did laundry all day and still only made it through about half of it. It drives me crazy because it seems like it is never ending.

I lost my phone I think. I have been tearing the house apart looking for it and can't call it because it is turned off or dead. I am so mad at myself for losing it. Not the way I wanted to spend a weekend.

I am still feeling very off and have not found my groove. I keep hearing that it is ok but I am not ok with it. I am not the same this deployment and do not want to do the status quoa just because it is expected of me. I do not know if I have it in me to give and give and give for the next so many months. I am the only one for the Kiddos and I am there all. I am trying to find the balance in taking care of everyone but not doing a good job. I know Hubby has it harder and is missing all the little things, but at the same time, I am missing al the little things about him.

I am scared that one day I will forget the things he does to make me laugh or smile and the joy he brings into my everyday world. I hold my breath all day waiting for the call or knock on the door. I do not like living this way but have not figured out how to live any other way this deployment. Rumors are floating and the mail sucks so that is not helping at all.

One day this will all just be a memory and all will be well. It is the getting through it and knowing we will make it to the other side that is eluding me. One day that fog will lift and I will be fine. For now, I am and that is enough for me.

No comments: