Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Ok so in less than two weeks if we are lucky the Hubby will be leaving the Stan. I am so excited but at the same time I am scared senseless what life will be like as a wife and mom again. We have had issues as a couple but this last 20 months has taught me that I can do what I never thought I could. I have moved across country and I gave birth to my fifth child alone. Yes I did have family and friends but when you get right down to the heart of it I was all alone while my husband was off fighting a war. Well we made it through the worst and the best and we have come out of this a lot stronger and very different than when we went into this.

Hubby and I have been spending a lot of time chatting about what we are going to do as a couple and family when he gets home. I am glad we are laying out some groundwork now so we may avoid some major disagreements in the very near future. Man I thought I would never say that. It feels good to know that the love of my life will be here very soon.

Hubby will be here with the Kiddos and I in about 6 weeks if all goes well. He has to demob and do that Army thing then fly down to Vegas to pick up his car. While there he is seeing his family and my folks. His sister has had a rough few months and he wants to see for himself that she is well. I figure he can have a day with her but then his butt better be on his way here to us. I really don't think anyone knows what the family goes through while their soldier is deployed. That is unless you are a family who depends on that Soldier for dailey needs and contact. Yes it is hard on the extended family but when it comes right down to it it is the spouse and kiddos who suffer the most. The spouse has to learn how to be mom and dad, comforter and bad guy and do al household chores no matter what. I never had a sick day. I think the only time I had alone was when I was in the hospital with pre term labor. Other than that I had at least one kiddo with me. I love my kiddos but the always on can really drive a person insane.

I have been called selfish and many things because I do not want any contact with the outside world the first few weeks MY (yes in caps) HUBBY is home. In the last 20 months we have almost lost our marriage and each other in many different ways. I deserve to get to know the new Hubby as he deserves to get to know the new me. I have changed so much. I hope he will love the new me. I am more vocal about what I need and I will go to bat for anone who needs me. And do not try to walk over me. I am bigger than you in my spirit and I will prove it if I have to.

I am off for now to get the Kiddos ready for bed. 6 am comes really early for them and me.

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