Thursday, July 26, 2007

This will be the fourth time I have started this post. The last 24 hours have been surreal to me. Late last night while I was talkin to Hubby, he up and left. I did not figure out right away what was going on. Then it hit me, motars. He was gone for about 10 minutes and the whole time I sat staring at his web cam praying I would not lose the connection. I was groggey and exhuasted but wke pretty quick when it dawned on me what was going on. Once he was back it was back to the regular chat.

I don't know if I will get used to those interruptions. It brings a almost safe time (in my mindat least) to no longer safe. The reality has set in and it dogs me for a few days. Then I go back into my NeverNeverLand. A Land where nothing can pop my bubble. A place that is pretty and safe. I know it is not real and so much can happen that is both ugly and cruel but I like my world when I don't have my Hubby with me. It is one way of me coping with the deployment and having my Kiddos gone and the younger Boys at each other all day.

I do know I will not be back to my NeverNeverLand til Hubby is home and I can see and touch him all at the same time. I will not even have to hear his voice. Just see, feel and smell him. Yes smell I am a smeller. I have fond memories of our times together associated with smells. Our wedding day we BBQued so the grill will make me smile at the thought of us at 19 and 22 starting our life and so in love. The smell of fresh cut grass will remind me of Hubby cutting our yard and lovin every minute of it. The smile he has when he is doing that is so wonderful and sexy. The smell of mechanics grease brings oh so many things to mind. Like the time we worked on my Mom's car and I changedout the fuel filter while Hubby changed out CV boots on our car. And when HUbby comes home from Drill weekend and has worked on trucks all day. Such a manly smell. soon I will have those smells back on a regular basis and I will not float off to NeverNeverLand when I smell them. I will be content to deal with whiny, clingly and demanding Kiddos because my Man will be home with me again

4 comments:

Butterfly Wife said...

Those sound, or should I say smell, like wonderful memories. Memories and smell are closely tied together. I cannot wait for my husband to send me his sweaty, smelly t-shirt. That is going to be soooooo gooooood.

nationalguardwife said...

They are. As we end this deployment I am more attuned to smells around me again. Trying to draw things back to the front of my mind.:) Lots more good smells I won't share.

liberal army wife said...

so NGW - Anaconda?? I remember the "gotta go" syndrome...

lAW

nationalguardwife said...

Yep. It is a nice base but very busy. Now I know why it is called Moarigateville.