No ER visits this weekend. Sweetness had a great time at her sleep over and I am getting ahead in my homework. The house work is not up to par but I will catch up soon. It is not going anywhere and we always, for the most part, have clean clothes and clean dishes so all is good.

I think fall for central Texas is finally coming. I just received my first freeze warning for tomorrow morning. That is exciting to me. Cold weather I love. It makes me want to cuddle up with a cup of coffee and a good book. Oh who am I kidding? I can have the coffee but I don't have time for a book unless it is school. I miss reading for pleasure. One day soon I will. If I make it out of college and with my brain in tact then I might have sometime to read for fun.

Hubby is doing good and that makes my heart glad. The Kiddos are doing great and the makes the heart better. As for me I can go back and forth. Today is a good day so far. I laughed with a good friend and had a shower. Just the shower makes it a good day. LOL

I am off to improve my brain and make myself smarter. Then it is off to grab Kiddos and work on homework all the way around.

We are off to the skatepark. I hope no one breaks a bone or slices a major artery. That would make for one crappy weekend. :) We are closer to R&R, by at least one day. LOL We still have no clue when to expect it but each day is closer than the last, right? At least that is what I keep telling myself.

2 As and a B on my test last week. The course that ended, well, let's just say I am at a cossroads and have spoken to the department head and will deicde what to do about it by tomorrow or next week sometime.

The Kiddos are doing well and improving in behavior so I have not a whole lot to complain about. I can honestly say the fog is beginning to lift and I may be able to hold my head high again.

Hubby made me laugh so much tonight. I miss him so much. Being able to hear his voice for as long as I did was a great boost. Yet at the same time I kept thinking to myself that wouldn't it be nice if he was right here next to me teasing me and being the butt he can sometimes be.

For now lie is ok and I can smile and not be faking it. SO I guess the phrase "Fake it til it's true" is for real. It is becoming true and I like that. :)

Ok all midterms done, online class finished and I am not happy about the end grade. I have choices there and I have to think on it for a few days before I make a desicion. Met my internet friends. Sara, Toad and Andy all give the best hugs. Cme to find out someone was going to out me whether I wanted them to in front of the whole audience. I am so glad I went and probably scared Sara util I said my name. LOL Thank you ladies and Toad for a most wonderful day of meeting the people who get it even when I don't.

I got an A on my first exam, finished my three exams for my online course, finished the paper for same course and just finished my last midterm. I am so relieved. Now I can plan my trip to SA for SpouseBuzz LIve on Sat. I am not sure if I will introduce myself to any of the wonderful ladies that I love to read and admire so much. I am so excited and scared to meet so any amazing women.

I am so glad Hubby cannot see me when we IM. I cry almost everytime we get off and I know it is coming and if I don't, I just cry til I fall asleep. I want it to stop now but wondering if it ever will.

Will the fear ever go away? WIll I ever get used to it? I hope it oes, and I hope I don't. Whenever we lose a guy, I know before I hear about it. Only because I do not hear from Hubby when I usually do. So far I am two for two. In a week. I know it is nothing for some but for me, it is to much. I wonder if we will keep losing them and when it will stop if it will stop.

Whenever I do not hear from Hubby I always come home a little bt slower jump when I hear the doorbell ring, and say a prayer of thanks that no one in Class As and a white car or truck pulled up in front of my house that day. Will my spirit hang in there and let GOd do His work, will I allow it, am I strong enough? All f these always run through me day in and day out. Yesterday I cried a few times because two very sweet women hugged me and told me it was ok. I do not have to be the end all for anyone. That is my God's job and I need to leave it alone.

I am so done. I fell as if I have nothing to give to anyone else. I have nothing coming in and alot going out. SOmething has to give or it could be it is a few days before midterms and i have amily coming into town for a couple of days. I am hoping it is the the fact I am under stress because of mid terms. We shall see next Friday when they are over with.