Does it make me a nerd if I stay up to do my Legal Aspects homework while listen to C-Span, the FTC Chairman is on and I am not bored??

It is Sunday morning, early. Early as in, I am supposed to be sleeping but I am up with Big Man and his wonderful, sweet girlfriend. It is official, I think. Anyway, I am keeping her no matter what Big Man does or says.

Sweetness is almost fully recovered from her surgery and back to normal. She is still getting used to being able to talk, yawn and do the everyday things without a bubble under her tongue. She rocks with a wonderful, loving attitude. Nothing will stop her as long as she keeps this up.

Big Man II is rocking along. His dental work was done quickly and he did not go in wailing. flinging arms, or biting anyone. He calmly, but reserved, walked in holding the doctor's hand to have the major work done. He was done in about two hours and cried for the first time that day. He said his mouth was not feeling normal and he did not like that feeling. He had me rolling with his comments. He was eating by noon with no problems. For a few days he had a hard time biting his teeth together because of the caps, but could eat with no issues.

As for me, I am dealing with a lot right now. I am wondering if I can handle going from taking care of the family all day everyday to taking care of my Mom after her surgery with no down time. I am in need of my wonderful Hubby to restore my mind and heart before I can give to anyone else. That sounds like I have no self confidence, I do, I just need to be refilled by being a wife and nothign else for awhile. Three deployments in four years is difficult on anyone. I feel as if I am losing my mind right now and we still have quiet a few weeks to go. I am torn between taking care of Mama and taking care of myself.

I have heard of so many things of why my Mom needs me, I just don't know if I could live up to them. I feel as if I am just coming into my own and I need to feel out where I am going. I know what I want to be and how to get there. I do not want to be side tracked anymore and really just wnat to be a wife, mom and friend right now. Nothing more and nothing less.

Life is good here, Sweetness is recovering well, Big Man 2 is doing wonderful after the dentist and I have my house back after a week of help. I am still not going to Mom til after Hubby gets home. it is just killing me. I have not had much to say or time to sit and think about it. I am sending my machine off to be repaired. Something about the wireless button not working on my motherboard. So it is time to get it fixed. I have a wireless printer for a reason and can not use it right now, kinda pisses me off. Anyway, all be safe I may return sooner rather than later.

Today I am learning to wait. I am not very good at waiting, for anyone or anything. I know God has a lesson for me to learn, but I am not doing to well with it. I so want to be cut in half and in two places at one time. My Mom is in Vegas going to find out what treatment plan her doc suggest and my wonderful, loving Sweetness is in surgery as I type this. I am sitting her done reading penal code, working on homework and texting my friends and family and also Sweetness' friends.

I so wanted Hubby to be here for this but we are officially at the end of this latest deployment. He will be home in single digit weeks and soon it will be single digit days, then hours. I can't help but wonderful what the heck else can happen in the next few weeks. This is spring break and I am not feeling it in the least. I am ready to crawl into bed and relax and sleep, at least til Hubby gets home. I am done being the go to person and having to have all the answers for to many people i do not feel I need to be talking to at this point in my life. I am done is all I can say. (Don't worry tomorrow I will be alright, the big girl panties will be pulled up)

I am off to reread my answers to my homework and think about submitting them. Maybe I will be inspired to write more into the answers and not jsut the bare minimum.

I so want to be on a plane heading to Vegas. I am still here in the da Hood taking care of my Kiddos. I love my life, I hate not being able to being with my mom. This is the time I hate the army and being so far away from family.

I am done, I have pulled up the big girl panties and will push forward.

Well, I have had to make some hard decisions this week and the process just plain ole sucked. I love my life. I love being part of the Army life, I love my most wonderful, caring, loving husband, but I hate not being close to my mom when she needs me the most. Mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer this week. We both have had our moments and moved passed the anger stage quickly, at least for now, and have decided to laugh our way through this journey. We also decided that our God is an awesome God and the great healer. God promised us healing in His word, just not how we will be healed. We have the Joy of God and Peace from God that we will make this journey and come out whole and much more stronger than we are now. I am not sure how the end will play out for us, but we will be ok. I have that promise from My God and I hold it near and dear to my heart, for not only my mom but for my family and myself.

The Kiddos know Mom is in the hospital but not why. I am having a hard time not saying anything. They talk to her and laugh with her. I know I should tell them, just have not found the words. Mom means so much to us and has shown us so much love and caring that it will be very diffucult on them when they hear. I want them to enjoy their Nana as much as possible before the therapies make her ill. We will know when the right time to tell them is. Today is not that time though.

WOW!!! It has been almost a month since I last blogged anything. Alot has happened. I passed the online class I had to retake. And the paper that got an F got an A this time around. Yep an A!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was stoked. I felt like rubbing it in the professor's face, but I can't so I will just continue to gloat. Hubby will be home not long after my semester ends. We will see. I am kinda excited but with a caution that is so large it is almost like a black cloud over my head.

In other news, a close family member is in need of some serious prayer. What we thought was not the problem, just something larger and scarier. We will know more by the end of the week. I am praying and holding my breath. I know whatever God has in store it will be alright in the end.